Flanacko's Diary: Part 1

Hey guys, remember me? Me neither. The thing is, I started this internship last week and also planned a 4th of July party so I didn't have time to "blog." (I'm not sure why I put that in quotes.) And, as you know, Shawn has officially quit the blog so I've brought on a mystery guest blogger to hold you guys over (insatiable, you are!) until I get used to, you know, having a normal adult schedule again. I'll be reviewing Away We Go this week, and hopefully bringing back "Soul Searching," the meanings of google searches that lead to the site. Take it away, Flanacko!*

"For ur blog"

Are You There Internet? It's Me, Flanacko. My identity must remain secret on this blog as it is very heavily trafficked and I am a future public school teacher. Therefore, I will be blogging under the pseudonym Flanacko and will tell you everything important that has happened in the past few days.

1) Tick Bite

I was afraid of coming to rural Vermont because of ticks and lyme disease. I went to my dad's place in Mystic, CT before coming up here. After a vigorous walk through the woods, I scraped schmutz of all types off my milky white legs. One little black spot didn't come off. IT WAS A MUFUCKIN TICK, SON!

It eated a butter, and that butter was my leg. If you have ever had a tick bite, you will know that it involves that little friend attaching itself to you and giving you (maybe) Lyme disease, which turns you into a fatigued, possibly retarded person 4 LYFE. (Remember that annoying girl on the Real World Seattle, Irene, who constantly complained? She had Lyme Disease. [Ed. note: I remember well. Good night, Irene.])

My dad assured me that he doesn't "believe" in chronic Lyme disease, at which point I got major cry feeling and insisted that we do something about the mufuckin tick which was still attached to my leg, sucking blood out of me. My brother's partner offered to pull it out, assuring me that he "pulled them out of dogs all the time in Puerto Rico."

W
T
F

So I googled "tick removal" and pulled it out myself. If I turn mental from a tick bite you will know why. :C

2) Arriving in VT

I got to, let's call it, "Black River Junction," Vermont today. It is very rural. The grocery store closes at 7 p.m., but I was able to buy brown rice and coffee (STAPLE FOODZ). This is what people in VT look like, by the way.

A boy on the Amtrak train up to VT approached me and invited me to hang out with the young people in the dining car. Is it sad that I said no and read The Diary of Anne Frank instead?

3) The Diary of Anne Frank

Ugh, boring!

4) Burning Cooch

I was dicing up jalapenos for my stir fry and I didn't wash my hands and I went to go pee and I touched my cooter and it burned for like 3 hours. Ouch. [Ed. note: I'm sorry, readers. Still not as bad as touching your eye, though.]

5) Bro House 1998

My house (the one I am living in in VT) is a total bro house. My housemate is a 50-year-old bro who smokes pot and invites me to sit by the fire every night. Now there are also some toothless VT bros and I have to hang out with them tonight. I think if I tell them I am a lez they will Brandon-Teena me. UGH! Wut a dai.

6) My Class, My Students

My class and my students are complete lolzbucketcharacters. [Ed. note: "bucket/buckety" is an expression of cuteness or enthusiasm for Flanacko, derived from the movie, The Bucket List.] Student X, I will call her, introduced herself today by saying, "Hi, my name is X and I have an underbite and a mental problem." [Shocked response from teacher and class.] "No seriously. I have an advanced reading level, though."

WUT?

Flanacko Out.

*The puppet above is Flanacko's handiwork for the children in VT; there are 19 more. I helped and also gluegunned my hand several times.